October

 

Somehow September slipped right by me and now October is more than halfway over too!  Since I last wrote, Hannah graduated from daily visits to the Severe Behavior Clinic to every other week once a day for an hour.  That is much more doable although I still feel like we spend all of our time in the van!  First grade seems to be moving right along for Hannah.  Her teachers really have no complaints and she seems to be enjoying herself. 

Report cards come out tomorrow so it will be interesting to see what her social skills are marked like.  She did, however, have her first incident of aggression at school for the year.  A little boy in her class pinched her (we have yet to figure out the reason-did Hannah do something to him first or was he completely unprovoked) so she bit him-hard.  Of course this meant another office referral and it came at the absolute worst time as we were about to leave for a trip to Minnesota that very afternoon!  After all the lying and omitting of the truth we think we finally got to the bottom of things.

  Then yesterday I found out that the incident wasn't completely over because Hannah had neglected to return the signed office referral to her teacher.  Apparently she had thrown it in the trash.  It took quite awhile to wade through all the lies on that one too, but I think we eventually got there.  After the biting incident we finally decided to give medication a try to help her control her impulses.  We actually start that this weekend.  I'm quite nervous about it, but I at least know that it's easy to change our minds and the meds leave no lasting side effects after they are out of her system if they don't work or we don't like what they do.  Wish us luck as we embark on this latest leg of our journey.  Last month we did a brief respite foster care stint with a little 3 year old girl.  She and Hannah got on pretty well and I miss her now that she is gone, but BOY OH BOY was she a ball of energy.  That kid went nonstop from the time she woke up until the time she finally crashed at night.  The sad thing about her was that she was now our 5th placement we've had that had no idea  how to cuddle and had never been read to or sung to at bedtime.  Again and again I am amazed at how many of the basic "rights" of childhood these kids have never experienced.  :(  While the respite munchkin was here we also hosted a series of guests.  My dad came to visit and then my best friend Sarah and her family stopped by for a night too.  I am reminded again and again at what a blessing from God our house is that we can house extra children as well as guests and still have everyone be comfortable. 

Hannah decided last night to try out for a speaking role in our church's Christmas program.  I didn't get to watch the tryout, but Kyle said she did a great job and was one of the strongest readers he heard.  He also said she was one of the youngest so that may very well affect her chances at actually getting a part.  Still whatever happens, I'm proud that she tried and at least she'll be guaranteed a spot in the chorus despite her off key singing voice! 

Next month I am participating in the Open Adoption Bloggers Interview Project again.  Last year I interviewed a  birthmom named Kate and it was an awesome experience.  I can't wait to see who I get paired with this year.  There is still time to sign up if you are interested and blog at least occasionally about adoption.  Simply click on the button at the top of my page and it should take you to the registration page. 

Photo Notes:  The pictures are from a weekend trip we took in September to a local wildlife preserve.  I think Hannah enjoyed chasing the chickens in the petting area more than she enjoyed the wild animals!

P.S.  I hate the new blogger format and I cannot make my posts look like I want.  My text and pictures keep getting all jumbled up.  Until I figure it out, I apologize for the inconvenience of having to read the disjointed text.

The Candy Cane Debacle

Today we had another rough night here at chez Spontak. Hannah and I arrived home to a blinking answering machine. The teacher had left a message for me to call the moment I walked in the door. That's NEVER a good sign. Apparently Hannah had been perservating on some candy canes hung on a tree in the classroom all day and now one of them was missing (the teacher knew the exact number b/c there was supposed to be one for each child in the class). She wanted me to check Hannah's backpack and search her person to see if she had taken the candy cane. She said she hated to blame her, but she just had a gut feeling. I searched and there was no candy cane to be seen. I asked Hannah if she had taken it and at first she said no and when I asked her if she was sure or if she knew what had happened to the missing candy cane she said she had taken it and broken it up and hid it in the trash can. While I was waiting for the secretary at the school to put me through to the classroom Hannah changed her story and said that she actually took the candy cane last Tuesday and it was the one she had brought home with her from school and said was from the resource room teacher as a treat for not complaining during her math quiz. We thought this was an odd reason to get a treat, but let it go. After talking to the teacher I found out that Hannah hadn't even gone to the resource room at all last week so she couldn't have gotten the candy cane from Mrs. D. The candy cane we saw was indeed the missing one. We discussed consequences and decided that Hannah would simply not get a candy cane when the rest of the students got theirs since she had already had one. When I tried to talk to Hannah about what had happened and attempted to inform her about the consequences of her actions all heck broke loose. She became alternately aggressive and avoidant. She refused to discuss the matter or even listen to what I had to say. Any attempts to force the issue were met with painful blows to my body. After about an hour she calmed herself enough that I could talk to her without threat of physical aggression, but she still was unable to add much to the discussion. She seemed completely unable to articulate her feelings or her reasons for her actions despite her advanced verbal skills. When she began sobbing uncontrollably I tried to ask her if she could tell me what she was feeling and she wasn't even able to say she was crying because she was sad or angry. I eventually prompted her with sad to try that out and then asked her what she might be sad about. She was still unable or unwilling to fill in the most obvious reason for her sadness. Instead when pressed to give an answer she listed various made up scenarios with her stuffed animals that were bringing her sadness. It was a frustrating exchange for both of us. The thing is, she can identify emotions in characters in books and movies or on facial expression cards, but seems unable to identify her own emotions or the reasons for them. Though she has verbal skills that would put many 10 year olds to shame she's unable to utter a simple "I'm sad" when asked why she is crying. It's so frustrating for me because I don't know how to help her with these big feelings and how to give appropriate consequences when she seems unable to connect her feelings with her actions. We've got an appointment with a new psychologist the first week of December so hopefully we'll finally get some help. I feel like we've been bouncing from person to person for years with no real help and if we don't get some help helping our little girl soon it will be disastrous for her self esteem. I already see it affecting her. Even tonight she said she was a dummy. If a profoundly gifted little girl can possibly think she's a dummy then you know there is something going on with her self esteem.

Photo notes: The pictures were from our trip to the pumpkin patch to get our Halloween pumpkins and then the torturous experience of carving them for my SPD kiddo!